Mets Update for Franchise Single-Season Stolen Base Record Holders.

Three cheers for the new holder of the Mets franchise single-season record for individual adorableness and stolen bases, Jose Reyes, who stole three bases last night, tying the record with his second and breaking it with his third.

Way to go, Professor.

Mets Update for Hipster Girls and My Grandma

I dare you to tell me the Mets aren’t the hippest team in New York City…just try it!

As if their tight pants weren’t enough, the Mets PR department apparently took a cue from the Renegade Craft Fair (or in the geriatric ward at L.I.J.) and decided to plan THIS event.

Adorable.

Bad Boy: Paul Lo Duca

Here at the Mets Update for Girls, we talk a lot about the inherent loveliness of the Mets. Whether it’s Reyes’ winning smile, Wright’s farm-boy good looks, or Valentin’s jaunty ’stache, the Mets offer a little something for every girl. But until now, we’ve basically ignored a huge segment of our readership: girls who dig bad boys.

At some point in every girl’s life, she eschews the gentleman for the ingrate. Brooding, edgy criminals are just plain hot. For these girls, Reyes’ secret handshakes just don’t tickle the fallopia like they do for so many of us. But have no fear. The Mets have a player that makes Charles Manson look like a librarian.

It’s Ol’ Crazy Eyes, Number 16, Paul Lo Duca.

Golly, he’s pissed.

The New York Post describes Lo Duca in a key moment from Saturday’s game: “He was spitting daggers from his eyes, and his face was contorted in anger.” Oh Lord, that’s sexy. Tell me more. “As Lo Duca stalked off the field, he whipped his helmet, bat and elbow pad – which made it to the grass between first and second. He then whipped his chest protector and blue shin guards onto the field as a batboy scampered to pick everything up.” Sweet. As if trying to make himself appear more terrifying, he actually had batboys scurrying around. This guy is an animal. Rawr.

Sex Scandals

Things are tough right now for the Mets-lovin’ ladies. While the team remains inexplicably adorable, it is ass-deep in a losing streak. In the first 13 days of June, they lost ten games and won two. But what’s worse? The Yankees are actually in a winning streak. In those same first days of June, the Yankees won ten games. It’s tragic.

Anyway, this change in luck can only be attributed to A-Rod’s penchant for strippers or strippers’ penchant for A-Rod. Since he was redubbed “Stray-Rod” by the New York Post (that’s some classy shit), the Yankees have been making merry upon all the teams they’ve faced.

It’s clear now that the Mets need to have a few sex scandals of their own to set things back on track and I propose we take matters into our hands. That’s right, ladies. We need to start bedding Mets, stat. Think of it as service to your city, and more than that, as service to defeat the Yankees. They’re like the Republicans of baseball (not to be confused with the Rangers, who are actually just a conservative think tank).

I’m counting on you.

Reyes & Wright: They’ll make your bosom heave.

Group Hug!

Seriously, they’re so cute.

And for when the video gets taken down for copyright infringement, here’s the general idea:

Jose Reyes is about to give Carlos Delgado a bear hug.

 

Mets Update for Girls (Slash Anyone who’s into Dudes)

Not that I want to turn Brooklyn Skeptic into a porno site or anything (yeah right), but in the interest of sharing the bounty, here it is: a sexy GQ photo shoot of Davey and Josie (pronounced ho-see) looking, interestingly enough, sexy. Oh man.

Um, seriously they’re going to fire me for posting porno. And it’ll be worth it.

Mets Update for Girls

Baseball season has almost arrived and many of us here at Brooklyn Skeptic are already hot and bothered over the most adorable team in baseball: The Mets. While I’m sure any reputable Mets blog will give you all sorts of information about hitting and throwing stuff…and like, running after stuff…or whatever they do, we’re here to give you the hard-hitting cuteness updates all you Brooklyn girls are looking for.

Important information from the beginning of spring training:

“The Mets are coming together.” [Hott. – Ed.]

“They speak different languages. Most say hello with words. Others use different means. Reliever Scott Schoeneweis passes by the locker of second baseman Jose Valentin, extends his rigid left leg to the side and lightly taps the stool on which his onetime White Sox teammate sits. His greeting is little more than a nod. Valentin nods in response. Enough said.”

“Even during drills, pockets of players, based on ethnicity and language, form. But then there is Delgado lockering next to his longtime friend Shawn Green, the union of a Latino and a Jew.”

“Wright and fellow rising star Jose Reyes are hardly inseparable. But they know, like and trust each other. They can communicate by no more than a glance and a smile. [No need for a safety word. – Ed.] They laugh at the same things. And when either becomes more proficient in the other’s language, he will begin to complete the other’s sentences.”

“David Wright walks through the obstacle course of teammates, reporters, clubhouse workers, trash cans, laundry baskets and stools as if he is a one-man welcome wagon. He has hellos, handshakes, backslaps and embraces for everyone.” [Isn’t he just a cutie? – Ed.]