Bad Boy: Paul Lo Duca

June 25, 2007

Here at the Mets Update for Girls, we talk a lot about the inherent loveliness of the Mets. Whether it’s Reyes’ winning smile, Wright’s farm-boy good looks, or Valentin’s jaunty ‘stache, the Mets offer a little something for every girl. But until now, we’ve basically ignored a huge segment of our readership: girls who dig bad boys.

At some point in every girl’s life, she eschews the gentleman for the ingrate. Brooding, edgy criminals are just plain hot. For these girls, Reyes’ secret handshakes just don’t tickle the fallopia like they do for so many of us. But have no fear. The Mets have a player that makes Charles Manson look like a librarian.

It’s Ol’ Crazy Eyes, Number 16, Paul Lo Duca.

Golly, he’s pissed.

The New York Post describes Lo Duca in a key moment from Saturday’s game: “He was spitting daggers from his eyes, and his face was contorted in anger.” Oh Lord, that’s sexy. Tell me more. “As Lo Duca stalked off the field, he whipped his helmet, bat and elbow pad – which made it to the grass between first and second. He then whipped his chest protector and blue shin guards onto the field as a batboy scampered to pick everything up.” Sweet. As if trying to make himself appear more terrifying, he actually had batboys scurrying around. This guy is an animal. Rawr.


Sex Scandals

June 14, 2007

Things are tough right now for the Mets-lovin’ ladies. While the team remains inexplicably adorable, it is ass-deep in a losing streak. In the first 13 days of June, they lost ten games and won two. But what’s worse? The Yankees are actually in a winning streak. In those same first days of June, the Yankees won ten games. It’s tragic.

Anyway, this change in luck can only be attributed to A-Rod’s penchant for strippers or strippers’ penchant for A-Rod. Since he was redubbed “Stray-Rod” by the New York Post (that’s some classy shit), the Yankees have been making merry upon all the teams they’ve faced.

It’s clear now that the Mets need to have a few sex scandals of their own to set things back on track and I propose we take matters into our hands. That’s right, ladies. We need to start bedding Mets, stat. Think of it as service to your city, and more than that, as service to defeat the Yankees. They’re like the Republicans of baseball (not to be confused with the Rangers, who are actually just a conservative think tank).

I’m counting on you.

Reyes & Wright: They’ll make your bosom heave.