Mets Update for Steroid Users

September 25, 2007

Steroids have been and will continue to be a dominant story in professional sports for the rest of time. Cheaters will always cheat for as long as they can possibly get away with it. And we will continue to let them, even when the evidence is right before our eyes, as long as they keep helping our team win.

got juice?

As much as I’d love to get up on a soapbox and preach about the sanctity of sports in our culture and how cheating undermines everything we honest Americans stand for, I’m actually here to tell a player to start using steroids. Re-start, actually.

Very shortly after he was signed to the Mets last season, Guillermo Mota tested positive for steroids and served a 50-game suspension. When he came back this season, his teammates and Mets fans were supportive. Everyone deserves a second chance right?

Right.

As long as they don’t fucking blow it every single time they step on the mound like this worthless pile of doodie, Guillermo Mota.

Now I would LOVE it if the Mets could just send this guy packing…but he’s signed to a contract, and no-mufuckin-body else is gonna want his worthless ass. So, as we head into the post-season with no options for what to do with this terrible terrible pitcher, we Mets fans must cling on to one last hope…

SOMEBODY GET THIS GUY SOME JUICE!

 

I’m on it…

A&E has some reasonably bad-ass specials for Mets fans (and other people, too).

The first: $5 off the 1986 World Series DVD! Coming in at a slick 1,643 minutes of Mets-ertainment, this DVD is packed with the games, interviews, balls, etc. Look for a complete Mets Update for Girls review of the DVD in the near future. And second, $1 off shipping on the set. Holla!

For a long time, I feared the day when Shea Stadium would close forever and in its place, a hulking corporate-sponsored ball field would rise from the ashen depths of Flushing Meadows. But now I’ve accepted that there is no choice. Citi Field will rain obscene luxury upon us and Shea will be pulverized and sold for scrap to Mets enthusiasts and recycled lumber wholesalers.

Something I learned today, though, has actually allowed me to look forward to the quickening of time between now and Shea’s last day on this wretched earth: Billy Joel will be the final performer to hold a concert at the stadium. And yo – it will be a doozie. The dates and number of performances have yet to be determined. Some of you might know that Billy Joel holds the record for the most number of sold-out shows in a single run at Madison Square Garden. That was 12 shows. So I’m hoping for at least 13 shows so that every Piano Man Fan can crawl through the bridges and over the tunnels to catch at least one night of this historic event.

glasshousespic.jpg

I like him even more than Reyes.

Though they were a little late to the game, I was happy to read the Village Voice giving press to the short “I’m Keith Hernandez,” whose street art/t-shirt marketing campaign is notably aesthetically pleasing.

In answer to the question, “if you want people to watch your film, why don’t you post it on youtube?” creator and ‘stache-lover Robert Perri explains that he wants his film to be like the Jerky Boys tape of yore, an illicit piece of swarthy love that travels sticky hand-to-sticky hand.

Check it out here.