Hands-Down Handsome

April 1, 2008

Alriiight!

As predicted yesterday, Santana and the rest of the Mets DOMINATED the Marlins run after run, inning after inning, in handsomeness. (and runs scored)

Our boys have slimmed down a bit and are looking, if I may say it, more adorable than ever.

Well, maybe not adorable. David Wright, all-American corn boy, was looking edgier last night. Mooseknuckle thinks that maybe “Living in Chelsea is starting to get to him.”

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David Wright poses with Brooklyn Skeptic contributors. From left: Mooseknuckle, Plainclothesman (standing), Johnbaptisedme, Recklesley (standing), Pizappas, Oneiroi.

It’s a rough life.

Maybe it’s just the top button of his uniform undone that has me undone, but DW was looking good.

Let’s take a look at the new and old faces, shall we?

Carlos Delgado is back, baby! During Spring Training he got cut in the arm by a shard of broken bat and needed 4 stitches. He is OK now. And he shaved his goatee and just has a msutache now. But he doesn’t look gay. Impressive.

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Clearly, Delgado is ready to step into the limelight as one of the Mets’ sexiest players. Playas.

Paul Lo Duca is… gone. Very sad. So is Lastings Milledge. Slightly less sad, for the time being. I watched the game last night at a place with 2 giant screens next to each other, and next to the Mets game was Lo Duca and Milledge! Because now they are on the Nationals together. They won. Good boys.

So, our new catcher is Bill Pullman.

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I mean, Brian Schneider. OK, so I want to like him. I do. And I hear that he’s a good catcher. Like, he makes pitchers better. This is what Mooseknuckle says. The thing is… I came into the game in the end of the 4th inning, and I saw him drop a ball that led to the Orioles getting on-base! And, I don’t mean to be a jerk, but the other side of the handsomeness coin is… less handsomeness. I guess that every grizzled old man brings out more of the youthful vivacity of the others? Every group needs a Danny Wood, you know?

I don’t know. Maybe Washington just didn’t agree with him, though, and the Mets clubhouse will be like a rejuvenating spa visit. We’ll see.

OK, back to handsome-town.

Are you ready for your new heartthrob?

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WHOA!

Hello, Angel Pagan. Deliciously dichotomous name.

Here’s his official MLB photo:

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Thank GOD he shaved that off. What? It is like he dipped his chin in a bowl of chocolate pudding. Boys, if this is not a testament to the fact that changing your hair can change your life, then I do not know what is.

Stay tuned for more in-depth investigations of this year’s team!

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After the Subway Series this weekend, we all learned something important. The Mets hold the spirit of New York collectively in the little burned-out chewing tobacco pouches in their lower lips. And the Yankees are losers.

But in case the fact that winning the series doesn’t really bring that home for you, Yankee fan, I’ll take a moment to state some more key points.

We have this guy:

Jose Reyes – Hotty Pants

And you have this guy:

Tyler Clippard – Abomination

We have this guy:

David Wright – 3 Home Runs

And you have this guy:

Robinson Cano – 3 Errors

That is all.

Not that I want to turn Brooklyn Skeptic into a porno site or anything (yeah right), but in the interest of sharing the bounty, here it is: a sexy GQ photo shoot of Davey and Josie (pronounced ho-see) looking, interestingly enough, sexy. Oh man.

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Um, seriously they’re going to fire me for posting porno. And it’ll be worth it.

Mets Update for Girls

April 3, 2007

baseballae193x85.jpg This is part 2 in the Mets Update for Girls series. You can relive the magic of part 1 here.

Note: Regarding the title of this invaluable series, BrooklynSkeptic is not wedded (ha ha) to traditional gender roles. But there they are, nonetheless.

I love inspirational sports movies. LOVE them. It is my favorite genre after epic fantasy. Rudy, The Karate Kid, Varsity Blues, Bad News Bears, Cool Runnings, Hoosiers, Remember the Titans, Miracle, Mighty Ducks, D2, D3, et cetera. Please feel free to add your own fave inspirational sports movie.

Anyway, what makes watching Dawson Leary sweat and yell and scream his team into victory so much more exciting than Michael Turner tossing around the ole pigskin?

The answer is…..

Backstory! In a movie, you get to see their trials and tribulations as the new kid in school who just can’t fit in, or the hard luck coach who just can’t get it together, or the Jamaican bobsled team who’s never seen snow before!

At this point you may be saying to yourself yes yes I’m totally with you, but what does this have to do with the Mets?

The answer is that the Mets are the only pro sports team that I would want to see in a feature-length movie. And guess what? They wouldn’t even need to cast FPJ as the All-American wonder boy or SLJ as the wisened coach. The Mets has those positions, and more, already filled by the most charming and lovable and photogenic men around!

Adorable 2006 Mets

Look at those precious poonums!

It’s not only me that thinks so. The Metropolitan Men have been getting a lot of press lately, filled with references to how much more charming and lovable they are than the Yankees.

See first the Village Voice article on Jose Reyes, “the most exciting and most handsome player in baseball”! (note: items in italics added by editor)

He is kind and adorable and loves reggaeton. Also, when you go to the games at Shea right around the 3rd Inning if you direct your attention to the jumbo-tron you will get the best Spanish lesson of your life from Profesor Reyes. Learn to say dedos or la puerta and he will melt your corazon.

See second the NY Mag article on David Wright, who is young and handsome and corn-fed. The article explores whether David Wright is possibly too perfect. The answer? No, not really.

Here they are together:

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There are many other talented and charming players on the team, and I encourage them to keep your eyes out for them, as I will.

So, in conclusion, when you think of the Mets in terms of inspirational sports movies it opens up a world of possibilities! When is the scene where Emilio Estevez drives out on the ice? How will we know when Rudy has finally gotten into Notre Dame? What about when, um, Kurt Russell, um, uh, uses his hatred of communism to win a hockey match? Yeah, what about that?!?

The answer is, of course, that you should to watch the Amazin’s and find out for yourself! And once you find that sweet spot, when Reyes’ every steal of a base steals your heart right along with it, then you’ve arrived and like Miss Joey Potter, you may be ready to move past that boy from the creek.

Mets Update for Girls

February 23, 2007

Baseball season has almost arrived and many of us here at Brooklyn Skeptic are already hot and bothered over the most adorable team in baseball: The Mets. While I’m sure any reputable Mets blog will give you all sorts of information about hitting and throwing stuff…and like, running after stuff…or whatever they do, we’re here to give you the hard-hitting cuteness updates all you Brooklyn girls are looking for.

Important information from the beginning of spring training:

  • “The Mets are coming together.” [Hott. – Ed.]
  • “They speak different languages. Most say hello with words. Others use different means. Reliever Scott Schoeneweis passes by the locker of second baseman Jose Valentin, extends his rigid left leg to the side and lightly taps the stool on which his onetime White Sox teammate sits. His greeting is little more than a nod. Valentin nods in response. Enough said.”
  • “Even during drills, pockets of players, based on ethnicity and language, form. But then there is Delgado lockering next to his longtime friend Shawn Green, the union of a Latino and a Jew.”
  • “Wright and fellow rising star Jose Reyes are hardly inseparable. But they know, like and trust each other. They can communicate by no more than a glance and a smile. [No need for a safety word. – Ed.] They laugh at the same things. And when either becomes more proficient in the other’s language, he will begin to complete the other’s sentences.”
  • “David Wright walks through the obstacle course of teammates, reporters, clubhouse workers, trash cans, laundry baskets and stools as if he is a one-man welcome wagon. He has hellos, handshakes, backslaps and embraces for everyone.” [Isn’t he just a cutie? – Ed.]
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