Hands-Down Handsome

April 1, 2008

Alriiight!

As predicted yesterday, Santana and the rest of the Mets DOMINATED the Marlins run after run, inning after inning, in handsomeness. (and runs scored)

Our boys have slimmed down a bit and are looking, if I may say it, more adorable than ever.

Well, maybe not adorable. David Wright, all-American corn boy, was looking edgier last night. Mooseknuckle thinks that maybe “Living in Chelsea is starting to get to him.”

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David Wright poses with Brooklyn Skeptic contributors. From left: Mooseknuckle, Plainclothesman (standing), Johnbaptisedme, Recklesley (standing), Pizappas, Oneiroi.

It’s a rough life.

Maybe it’s just the top button of his uniform undone that has me undone, but DW was looking good.

Let’s take a look at the new and old faces, shall we?

Carlos Delgado is back, baby! During Spring Training he got cut in the arm by a shard of broken bat and needed 4 stitches. He is OK now. And he shaved his goatee and just has a msutache now. But he doesn’t look gay. Impressive.

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Clearly, Delgado is ready to step into the limelight as one of the Mets’ sexiest players. Playas.

Paul Lo Duca is… gone. Very sad. So is Lastings Milledge. Slightly less sad, for the time being. I watched the game last night at a place with 2 giant screens next to each other, and next to the Mets game was Lo Duca and Milledge! Because now they are on the Nationals together. They won. Good boys.

So, our new catcher is Bill Pullman.

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I mean, Brian Schneider. OK, so I want to like him. I do. And I hear that he’s a good catcher. Like, he makes pitchers better. This is what Mooseknuckle says. The thing is… I came into the game in the end of the 4th inning, and I saw him drop a ball that led to the Orioles getting on-base! And, I don’t mean to be a jerk, but the other side of the handsomeness coin is… less handsomeness. I guess that every grizzled old man brings out more of the youthful vivacity of the others? Every group needs a Danny Wood, you know?

I don’t know. Maybe Washington just didn’t agree with him, though, and the Mets clubhouse will be like a rejuvenating spa visit. We’ll see.

OK, back to handsome-town.

Are you ready for your new heartthrob?

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WHOA!

Hello, Angel Pagan. Deliciously dichotomous name.

Here’s his official MLB photo:

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Thank GOD he shaved that off. What? It is like he dipped his chin in a bowl of chocolate pudding. Boys, if this is not a testament to the fact that changing your hair can change your life, then I do not know what is.

Stay tuned for more in-depth investigations of this year’s team!

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Happy Opening Day!!

March 31, 2008

A mere 25 minutes before the Mets’ opening game against the Marlins, let’s take a moment to give thanks for another season of the Mets, and another season of Mets Update for Girls.

Elsewhere in the world of baseball-loving by ladies, for ladies, Jezebel takes this opportunity to present three important reasons why Smart Women Love Baseball.

1. Baseball Players are Good Boys.

2. The Devil’s in the Details.

3. Phallic Symbols are no Fallacy, or Sex Sells.

You know, more or less.

But come on. These are the pitchers going head-to-head.

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Cutie-Patootie newly minted Met Johan Santana…

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And this guy. Mark Hendrickson.

Since they haven’t actually played yet, all we can go on are eyes, skin tone, and facial hair grooming. And I think it’s clear that Santana sends all those CLEAN OVER THE PLATE.